My last day in my NJ mission was filled with turmoil. I was confused about my priorities. I wanted to be there with my son and show my support and love to him however my job wasn’t making it easy. The continual & repetitive work to salvage work already completed, and the guilt I realized I felt, was overwhelming to me. How could I abandon the attention to my employer and clients, which I had a responsibility to? But most of all I could not jeopardize my job because my youngest child, my daughter Tiffany, still relied on me to support her while in college. I needed my job and I felt the presure to maintain my usual performance of efficiency.
I was so angry! Angry that life was requiring so much of me. I was angry that my relatives were not more supportive to my son, Jameel, particularly my father. I vowed I would let him know exactly what kind of father I felt he is and had been for me all my life. My anger was enraging and saddening. I was angry at the medical system for there lack of effiencency to my sons health.
From all theses events and feelings, I determined, I should seek counseling for my self. I felt that through all my emotions and confusion that I needed some objective guidance that I could trust to remind me of my ability and power to wisely make decisions, stand on them and move in faith.
Above all, my faith was being challenged big time. I could not see my way to doing all I knew to do and trusting God to hold up the rest. It was as if the faith I walk in and apply everyday was shaken. Faith was mixed and like a maze and I was trying to find my way through to it.
The Holy Spirit have me 1 Peter 1 thru 10, on Friday morning however it really came to life on Sunday morning back in Atlanta. I studied the scripture in the amplified & the message bibles and received the grace with joy.
Now that I’m back here I feel my strength back, my determination and my faith.
My fight is back and the journey is in process.
grace, peace & blessings,
- Give God Glory for Spiritual Victories (thisdaywithgod.wordpress.com)